You are beautiful.
Nkechi held my hair tight in two buns. My bum was on the floor as her hands wove through my thick hair while she inspected my face.
I could see a glint of approval in her eyes like she had made lemons out of the lemonade that was synonymous with my hair; ‘now, you are beautiful,’ she said enthusiastically. She was proving to me that my astonishing yellow pawpaw skin and beauty were masked by my ‘tomboyness’ and lackadaisical attitude towards being a real girl.
credit: blackhairinformation.com
My ‘tomboyness’ needed to desperately be washed away because of my recent senior status. I had to start acting like a senior student with painted colours on my face, a transparent gloss that let my lips shine, and bras that gave my boobs the perfect lift. I had to push-up my girlness to be detected by boys, who for us, an S.S.3 signage meant they were men.
I smiled, shy of being the debate of if your face was good enough to be called pretty in front of 30 other roommates. I was already labelled the semi-awkward girl that liked to write and read, and I was about to get a new label – the girl Nkechi approved as pretty by wearing her hair in a bun like a six-year-old.
‘Honestly, you look nice; stop forcing your natural hair to lay back like all of us. It’s thick, and ours is permed.’
I nodded, unsure how to respond and uncomfortable as the cynosure of all eyes. Or was I just paranoid? I was seated at the centre of the room with seven bunk beds opposite each other. My bum was at the edge of the middle bunk bed with Nkechi’s legs beside my arms, my back in between her opened legs, teaching my hair a lesson in decency.
Yomi, one of my roommates, suddenly opens the door of the room and more eyes finally face someone else. She was known as the runner in school, and she let it show in everything she did; she jogged too fast to class, walked too fast, and ran too fast! She jogged to her corner of the room beside the bunk bed I was seated.
‘I heard some of the S.S.3 boys talking in the cafeteria.’ She tried to whisper to her friends, Amanda and Temidayo, seated on the bunk bed to my left. They chuckled in excitement as I tried to avoid eavesdropping, but Yomi’s voice was the type that forced you to listen. The baritone sounded like a man’s, with a sprinkle of the sound of a spoon scraping the leftovers of the bottom-pot. It tried with fail to whisper, it was too magnificent and crackled to avoid. Besides, she was sitting on the bunk bed Nkechi’s bum was resting on. I was forced to listen.
‘I heard my crush say my skin looked like warm chocolate and …’
‘Yomi, abeg’ one of the girls, Amada, responded laughing like she had never heard a line so bad or so good. I couldn’t tell. ‘Please, he is so shy, he can barely say a word to a girl now he knows warm chocolate?’ I smiled and imagined the contour on Amanda’s face.
‘Jealous Amanda? He is with his guys so…’
‘So now he has a mouth to talk.’ She hissed.
‘Yes, very different from the date we had where his mouth could barely let words slide out.’ She paused, ‘I still like him.’
‘Amanda, let’s hear gist now.’ Temidayo said as she clapped her hands together to end the banter. Temidayo was what Yomi’s crush had described Yomi. She had voluminous boobs and was known as the Push-up Boobs Madam. Her breasts were the first to arrive at any scene. It entered a room with certainty that had known it was the dream of any adolescent boy. While her boobs were a heavyweight champion, the rest of her body was simply curved. She wasn’t a perfect figure-eight shape, but she carried herself elegantly. Her dark-skinned-babyish face also made her famous, and her confidence gave her an air of respect.
‘So, as I was saying… before Amanda’s bad energy. Hmm… I heard the food prefect…’
‘The one that bounces like his life depended on it.’ Amanda says.
‘He said he liked Dami…’No one spoke.
‘Dami, like Dami, our roommate.’ Amanda said without hiding her surprise.
‘Amanda, she is right beside you.’ Temidayo said, trying to ensure they were conscious that I was seated close to them.‘Well, I was going to tell her, anyway.’ Yomi said.
I could feel eyes digging holes at my back.
‘Nkechi, are you done?’ I said with a tone that almost made me pinch myself. I needed to get up before they knew I was eavesdropping. I had my Walkman and earphones in my hands, so I slipped them on as quickly as possible. I turned to get Nkechi’s attention while trying to avoid Temidayo, Yomi and Amanda’s faces. Nkechi had earphones on.
‘She has earphones on so she may not have heard.’ Temidayo said. This had been my most dependable trick when I was with my sisters. I pretended I couldn’t hear them when they talked about boys and how they felt when their lips touched. They were eight and eleven years older than I was, and they – albeit unknowingly – made me aware of things beyond my age. I removed one of Nkechi’s earphones as her eyes dilated to show her displeasure. ‘Are you done?’‘Nope, I want to cut out the frontal part of your hair, so you have hair falling out like Alicia Keys.’
‘Alicia Keys’ Amanda scoffed and said something I couldn’t hear under her breath. This time I knew her words laced with mockery at the comparison. Temidayo must have clasped Amanda’s hands to contain her inner bitch; but Amanda was a real bitch, nothing could tame.
‘Dami,’ Yomi said. I pretended not to hear her. She stood up, bent down and removed one of my earphones.
‘Dayo, the food prefect has a crush on you.’ She shouted. This time she wasn’t trying to whisper a secret. My roommates heard her crackled voice – well, at least 15 of my roommates whispered what was said to the other 15 girls – and I froze.
‘He is hot, rugged and seems to like boyish girls.’ Someone said as I sat there wanting to punch Yomi. I still wish I did.
***
Never read Mills & Boon
My newest Mills and Boon, The Horseman and The Princess, were glued in-between my hands. While the name gave off the plot of the story; I read on for the love of fantasy.
‘Dami,’ I tried not to answer so I could read one more line. ‘Dami,’ she shouted. I knew Tosin won’t quit. I turn and respond to my best friend. ‘Stop this Mills and Booning. Lunch is in thirty minutes. Go and get ready.’
‘Okay, I’m not going.’
‘Because a senior has a crush on you… Aww.’ She leaves my bedside as I try to keep up with The Princess’s story, but I keep thinking about him. I had noticed him before Yomi’s big mouth made me feel uneasy. He was one of the NENNs – not easy not to notice – boys. He was geekily cool with a roughness around the edges that was distinctively attractive. He wasn’t a pretty boy; he was an Idris Elba kind of boy. When he looked at you, his eyes shone like you were a mystery, a puzzle that excited him. I had goosebumps thinking of him smiling at me like I was warm chocolate. He would ask me to talk about something; anything, and I will smile and laugh. He will brush my skin, and my belly will warm with butterflies whose wings caught arrows of fire from Cupid. My cheeks will be red hot – too obvious on my yellow skin – and hurt from smiling.
She hit my hands like my mum did when she wanted me to get up or receive a dirty slap. ‘Quit daydreaming. It’s launch time.’ I denied it, and Tosin laughed. ‘Yeah, whatever.’
I wore my boarding house red and white check dress and walked down the stairs towards the cafeteria. Over 700 senior students shared this room, but I had my mind on one.
I stood close to the entrance of the cafeteria waiting for Tosin; she walked down the stairs like she was on a red carpet. I knew Dayo would be coordinating lunch and was usually at the entrance of the cafeteria with his arms folded, back kissing the wall, rugged smile like he had a secret of what crazy things were mixed in our lunch. Tosin caught up. We scanned the room for a table to join. The cafeteria had 70 tables, and 10 random students were to share a table, but it never quite happened that way. Students joined their cliques. Tosin and I were a two-girl clique. We usually joined any table that looked free of bitchy girls, clingy cliques – to avoid becoming the spoken unspoken joke of the group – or too many weird male seniors that looked at your boobs without any shame. Joining a table could seem easy but never was.
Tosin gestured towards Amanda’s table. I wanted to decline, but my daydreaming and her cat walking had made us too late to have a choice. As we made our way to Amanda, I saw him; our eyes touched and lingered. I was searching for the truth of Yomi’s words. He was smiling like he had caught me staring. I wasn’t. He was. I moved my head, and I could sense he smiled as I sat at the table.
‘See your crush.’ Yomi said excitedly as she and Amanda giggled while they moved their hungry eyes towards him. Yomi had a shut-up-your-mouth problem as well. She always had to talk. I tried not to blush, but my cheeks always betrayed me. ‘She’s blushing, aww’, Temidayo said.
‘I think we are staring too much at him… giggling, talking, and smiling.’ Tosin said, trying to help keep my dignity intact.
‘Huh,’ Yomi sighed, ‘we may be looking right behind him at lunch.’
‘Giggling at lunch, Yomi?’
Yomi shrugged, not bothered.
A team went around the tables to direct students towards the serving stand. I joined the line at the front of the cafeteria. We had four serving points – one for water or a drink, soup, swallow, and protein. We all had to eat swallow; there wasn’t rice on the menu today. It was an intentional decision to avoid students from their usual self-conscious or self-proclaimed bourgie tag. Dayo was at the last stand, serving protein. Our eyes met, and I moved mine immediately. ‘Your boo is serving.’ Yomi whispered in my ear as we walked down the serving point. If she had been ahead, not behind me, I would have mistakenly punched her in the head. She wouldn’t stop pinching and giggling while I tried to be cool.
‘What do you want, Fish or meat?’ he said.
‘Fish.’ I tried to respond as my heart beat faster and sweat trickled down my skin. He put a piece of fish on my plate. I wasn’t sure, but I could have sworn I heard, ‘I like your hair.’
I moved quickly, away from his eyes and Yomi’s excited hands. I was too shy to ask if he said what I thought he said as I zombied back to my seat. I left the serving spot, but I still felt uneasy like all eyes in the room stared at me or like I was a newly found woman from the rough, or a desirable girl for the first time. After lunch he announced there was an opening for more Serving Volunteers and that anyone interested should stay for a short meeting at the cafeteria.
‘You should stay.’ Yomi said. I wasn’t going to, but Yomi kept pulling my arms as I tried to leave the cafeteria, and I noticed the room effect of all eyes on me was happening again. We were creating a scene. She didn’t care, I did, and she knew it. I sat down and laughed in a fake, greet your aunt smile that I displayed for my mum when she introduced me to another aunty I hardly knew. I swore I would get back at Yomi, I promised myself.
Eight girls and two boys waited for the meeting. He came to the front of the hall to address us. We were to start training on Sunday, the next day, and he expects us to arrive an hour before lunch for our training. On Sundays, breakfast wasn’t served at the cafeteria; the school served lunch after midday and dinner much later.
He was in front of us all, hardly smiling as he spoke. A glint of happiness was shown when he thanked us and asked us if we had questions. Yomi did. ‘Do you train us?’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘Okay, I’ll make sure we are all here then.’ I put my right hand over my face and tried not to bury it in shame for knowing Yomi. Questions were asked and answers were given before we were dismissed.
I was leaving when another disaster happened. ‘Dami’’ My head said run, but my legs were too ashamed to look like a J.S.S. 1 girl who liked a boy for the first time. I was in S.S.1, a whole senior, and I had to act like it.
I turned after asking Tosin and Yomi to wait for me, but I could see them leave. He walked briskly to catch up with me at the entrance of the hall.
‘Hi’
‘Hi’’ that smile, again.
‘I was going to say, I didn’t expect you and your friends to volunteer.’
‘I didn’t too.’ I said before I caught myself.
‘Don’t …like not come tomorrow. I mean you and your friends…because it’s really … fun and plenty of food.’
I wanted to reply, ‘standing and serving for over an hour is fun,’ but I smiled nervously and said ‘okay.’ I couldn’t say anything stupid and destroy my crush.
‘What did you say?’ I said, softly as I tried to hold my stomach from swimming with butterflies while also confirming his last statement.
‘I was saying, I like your hair.’ His hands went up his head twisting it in the most awkward way possible; for some reason, I found it funny.
I knew I was blushing, ‘Thank you.’ I said as I swallowed my saliva. I was nervous and needed to run. ‘My friends…’
‘Yeah, it’s okay, see you tomorrow.’
I got upstairs ready for the teasing of my life. Yomi and Tosin sat on my bunk bed, which was the lower bunk, to ask me every detail of our meeting.
‘Nothing.’ I repeated. They chided; I stood my ground.
‘Look at your eyes.’ Tosin said, shaking her head while rolling her eyes. ‘That’s why I told you never to read Mills and Boon. Everything becomes a dramatic love scene.’
***
Food a-way to my soul
I got there fashionably late. I didn’t want him to think that I was looking forward to seeing him or having a coke with him. Tosin and Yomi had declined to come, but I owed it to him to go. He had asked me to come, and I had to keep my word. Once I got into the cafeteria, I was directed to the back of the hall where all volunteers were trained.
He spoke as I slid onto the last seat at the back before his eyes caught mine. I could have sworn he smiled with his eyes and moved his lips upwards when our eyes met.
Everyone was seated and listened as he told us why serving was important and confirmed our stations and how food service worked. ‘Food is the way to the soul. It’s critical for health, for sharing banter, friendships.’ I smiled, remembering times my Papa and I ate at the dining table at home. He would let me eat from his plate even when mine was full. Dinner was a family event. Papa would have friends or family eat with us every other night.
`We have four people serving at each station, we serve for 1 hour and we usually serve 500 people in an hour. Once we have completed our service…’ I heard his mouth make sounds and his lips move, but my head couldn’t understand his words. All I could think about was how he ticked the boxes of what I liked in boys; black-skinned, not lanky or chubby or too fit, just perfect. I wondered what it would be like to be his girlfriend and have his hand touch my face. I was certain I more than liked him, maybe because he was the first boy to look at me like I was pretty or smile like he found me interestingly complex. There was something about Dayo.
Someone tapped my shoulder to stack up my chair as the meeting had ended. The store where the chairs are kept was further down the kitchen, where we had the meeting. The kitchen was enormous, covered with cabinets stocked with plates, forks, and knives for students. A washing sink was on the right, with a cabinet underneath. We had the meeting in an open space in the middle of the Kitchen which is opposite the store. The serving stations were behind us. It had four stations covered halfway with a glass – a semi-barrier – that separated the station from the students.
I stood up, unsure of what to do or where my station was. I noticed some volunteers had started to arrange tables and chairs.
‘Lost?’ Dayo said.
‘No, no, emm no.’
‘You’re at the last station, where you serve protein.’
‘I figured.’ I tried not to smile.‘
We start in 10 minutes, but we all have to be at our stations now.’
I turned around and went to my station. Bossy, isn’t he?
A few minutes later, I was serving fish, meat or whatever protein I was asked to give. I knew I had to do my friends good by giving them the biggest pieces of protein when it was their turn to be served.
Dayo supervised all volunteers. He went around and made sure everything was going according to his plan.
‘You should leave your natural hair up all the time.’ I was startled as I didn’t notice he was beside me.
‘Thanks.’
‘Am I scary cos…’ He chuckled, teasing me. ‘Besides, I caught you…’ He paused as I turned to look at him and understand what he meant. ‘You didn’t listen to a thing I said. You just stared at me.’
I couldn’t help but blush. ‘Wow.’ I tried to sound offended. ‘Why would I be staring at you?’ I paused, rethinking my argument. ‘To be candid, I should because you were teaching us, and we all stare at our teachers.’
‘And listen.’
‘I was listening…’
‘It’s okay. People stare at me and never listen all the time.’
I smiled and tried to act offended again. ‘Very humble.’
‘What can I say, I have a pretty big head.’
I laughed. The girl I was serving had the opposite expression. She looked like she would spank me if droplets from my saliva flew on her plate.
Dayo had caused me to smile foolishly even after he had left, and I was certain going to be the death of me.
Love is…
The next day, I volunteered to serve not because of Dayo; I enjoyed greasy kitchen duty. Those words were what I told Yomi and Tosin when they both teased me. I made an effort not to be fashionably late. Dayo’s assistant assigned our new stations; I was to arrange the dining tables and chairs. I saw Dayo, and my stomach flipped faster than a skilled chef with a hamburger. He came close and said, ‘Told you, your hair is cool.’
‘Thanks.’
‘And look at you, coming in early to serve.’ I blushed at his words.
‘Well, I…’ I stopped when I noticed his attention had moved to the kitchen door. I turned to know who or what he was distracted by, but they must have left. He liked to ensure everything was done excellently well and may have been worried about something in the dining room. He left quickly but asked that I wait for him after dinner. I took cutleries in a bowl into the dining room and arranged the tables when I noticed Dayo at the back of the cafeteria. He was at the corner girls and boys tried to hide to get their groove on and explore what our parents had warned us was worse than Eve eating the apple in the garden of Eden. The corner under a staircase had a pillar that rested on the staircase’s edge. If you hid behind the pillar carefully, you could go unnoticed.
I tried but failed at keeping my eyes off Dayo. I was an inexperienced Mills and Boon addict whose eyes had read this scene – or sin, as my mum would have corrected – on paper. His hands held her boobs and kissed her like she had the tenderest lips. My hands held a knife, and I thought to test them on her lips. His heart must have drummed in excitement. My heart felt like it was slowly being cooked in an oven and would later be shredded as dinner by over 500 starved students. I stood watching them until my mind spoke to my legs as I heard students coming into the dining hall and Dayo and his girl scrambling out. I did the same but headed in the opposite direction. I was going to my dorm.
For over a week, my eyes were swollen and coloured with red shadows, my hands swore never to lift spoons to serve in the cafeteria again, and my mouth refused to join in on the cafeteria lunches or dinners.
My first cut into love was pain. Or was it?
